A Very Larry Christmas
by TLX
Summary: TLX bonus story! A bit of Larry fun for Headless Huntsman and everyone else in the Teacher's Lounge written by Mugglebeene.


**A Very Larry Christmas**

_A bit of Christmas fun for HeadlessHuntsman and everyone over at the Teachers' Lounge._

Ron Weasley picked up his son, patted his nappy-covered bottom and sighed. "We're screwed, Harry."

"I know, Ron, that's the fifth time you've said that and it isn't helping." He set the rocking chair off again with his foot, patting Lily on the back as if the continued pats would put her to sleep. It wasn't working, as evidenced by her continued wails. "And Kreacher's just left so once the boys wake up from their nap..."

"Wish Hermione'd taken Rose with her." Ron walked around the room, half swaying with each step. "_Sure, love, it'd be fine if you and Ginny went Christmas shopping. Harry and I can manage, it's just for the afternoon_." He rolled his eyes. "I must be mental."

"Come on, Ron, we're Aurors. Five kids, our kids. We can do it." Harry nodded, his words enthusiastic but the confidence didn't reach his eyes. "Besides, we made a deal. They get the afternoon for shopping, we get the Boxing Day Quidditch match."

"Don't remind me." Ron moaned. "First time Cannons have played on Boxing Day in thirty years, I can't miss it. Don't know how we're going to get the girls anything for Christmas, either. I haven't got 'Mione anything yet. You get Ginny anything?"

"No, not a thing." A wail from upstairs was soon joined by another wail, indication that Harry's boys were no longer napping and, even more importantly, were not happy with each other. Four year old James' voice echoed down the stairwell that he didn't do it, followed by three year old Albus' assertion that James did too do it. Those voices woke up Rose, who came barreling down the stairs asking her father in her best three year old logic why her Mummy wasn't there since Daddy was bad with the baby because he was crying.

Harry stood there, crying infant daughter in his arms, arguing sons in front of him, his niece and nephew also adding their tiny upset voices to the din, and in a moment of clarity he realized that there was one person, one mostly-person who could take care of this. "Ron, I know we told the girls we could do this on our own but, face it, mate. We need help."

"Mum's over at Bill 'n Fleur's." Ron shook his head. "We're on our own."

"No." Harry switched Lily over to his left arm and pulled his wand from his back pocket. "We're not. But you can't say anything."

"Right. Like I'm going to..."

"You know if she asks you that you'll cave. Ten seconds, thirty tops." Harry smiled at his best mate. "You know I'm right."

"Oh sod off." The moment the words came out of Ron's mouth he sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I swear this is the worst part of being a parent, all the language shi...stuff. Call in your favour, Harry. Unless it's Malfoy."

"Right, like he'd be any better at this than we are. Here, take her for a minute." Harry gave Lily to Ron, and left the room. Moments later he returned with a silver Christmas ornament, a ball that was almost translucent with a large silver bow on the top, and held it up victoriously as if it was a Snitch. "Better work, one time only."

"That's not one of George's, is it? What is it, Dobby's ghost?"

"Nah. Even better." Harry smiled. "Dobby's ghost only comes around right after one of the kids are born. This, my oldest friend, is somewhat of a relative from another dimension."

Ron ignored the crying children in his arms and stared at Harry in disbelief. "Right. A friend from another dimension. You've been sniffing expired potion ingredients again, haven't you?"

"Nope."

Without another word Harry threw down the ornament, the crash of the glass released a massive plume of smoke and a large, squat figure stepped out of the mist. As the smoke dissipated the form began to take shape; a man who almost looked as if he was part wolf, as his features seemed in one second to be human, the next second to resemble a wolf, and then the next second the combination where it couldn't be determined what he was. A tentacle slid out from one side, moved his hair away from his face and then reached over his shoulder to the massive axe hung in a elaborate leather harness. One thing was for sure, though, the being from the Christmas ornament was in a foul mood.

"Nice timing there, Harry. Just about to take Phoebe...never mind, you wouldn't understand, different dimension, over there you married...like I said, never mind. What do you need? Must be pretty..." He looked over to Ron, holding the two squalling babies. "Bloody hell, what're you doing, pinching them? Give 'em here." Two tentacles went out from his sides, wrapped around Lily and Hugo and brought them close to his chest but still in the air, hovering, rocking. "You're crap at that."

"That's why I called you." Harry stepped forward. "We needed help."

Ron stepped forward, gave Hugo a cursory glance to make sure he was ok and then turned to the tentacle man. "Sorry, but who are you exactly?"

"Larry Lupin, Unseelie Court, I'm the..." With an irritated look he thumbed over at Harry. "The long version warp your little brain but the short version is that I'm related to him. Through his mum. And no, I'm not Remus Lupin's...I'm one of his ancestors. Like I said, ginger, warp your little brain." He turned to Harry. "So what's the situation? Another Dark Lord? Demons from another dimension? Zombies? Giant blood drinking Cornish Pixies?" He reached back with a tentacle, loosened the axe and wrapped his hands around the dark wooden shaft. "Some idiot try to summon an elder god?"

"Um..." Harry adjusted his glasses and smiled apologetically. "No, we needed someone to help with the kids."

A dark expression formed on Larry's face. "You've got to be shitting me."

At that moment Albus and James ran into the room with Rose on their heels, brandishing a long, wooden spoon. Before they could act Larry shot out three more tentacles, wrapped each of them up so they couldn't move their arms and lifted them off the ground. Holding all five children in his tentacles he massed them together and waved them in front of Harry and Ron.

"ONE CHANCE, YOU GOT ONE CHANCE WITH THE DAMNED DIMENSIONAL PORTKEY AND YOU USED IT FOR BABYSITTING?" His features seemed more wolf-like as he slung the axe back into the harness on his back. "Tonks made that deal with my mum and this is how you use it?"

"Tonks?" Ron looked over to Harry. "What's he talking about?"

Larry moved the children out of the way and stepped closer to Ron. "What am I talking about? Well, in the ethereal plane Tonks is out there, and she and my mum, Gaia, got to talkin' and they thought it would be a good idea if I could show up here, in your little world, if Harry really needed help. Cuz he's been through a lotta shit." The older children snickered at hearing the curse word but one growl from Larry silenced them. "And he used the extra-special, ultra damn rare gift to babysit!"

"What?" Ron looked over to Harry, confusion evident on his freckled face. "I don't get it."

"Jesus." Larry tapped him on the top of the head with a tentacle. "Can you walk and chew gum? It's magic, you dimwit." He walked over to Harry. "You've got two hours. It would've been for as long as you needed, but since there's no danger all you get is two hours. Get out of here. You'd better buy your wives something good because with mental midgets like you two they deserve it."

-ooo-

Ginny Potter exited the Floo and took a few steps forward to give Hermione enough room to come through. As soon as her best friend materialized in the Grimmauld Place living room Ginny listened and heard...nothing. The boys were not fighting, Lily wasn't crying, she couldn't hear...anything.

"Hermione, something's wrong."

"What do you mean? I'm sure they're all napping." Hermione smiled but soon the smile melted away. "But if they were napping then the boys would be talking about Quidditch or Auror things."

Without word and almost simultaneously both witches dropped their packages and took out their wands. It was their worst fear, realized; someone had done something to their families. Hermione did a quick spell to reveal if any living things were in the house, and nothing appeared to be on the first floor. Nervously she cast the spell upwards, towards the upper floors, and that's when the small blobs indicating small lifeforces materialized almost on the ceiling, along with something very, very large.

Ginny huffed in disgust and stowed her wand. "I can't believe them, they've called in Hagrid to watch the kids. If they're down at the pub I'm going to..."

"But why would Hagrid be up there?" Hermione squinted and watched the effects of her spell start to fade. "Is that the roof?"

"The roof?" Ginny snorted. "That's insane, it'd be bloody cold up there, nobody in their right mind..." She looked over to Hermione, who nodded in agreement. "I'm going to kill Harry."

The two witches walked upstairs, seemingly angrier by each step, until Ginny opened the door. Hermione ran into her, knocking her forward, as Ginny had stopped right in the doorway unable to move. As Hermione looked over her friend, who had fallen onto her knees, she wondered if she was losing her mind.

As the snow fell down a large man-thing sat on a stool, smoking a cigarette, while Lily and Hugo each floated in some sort of bubble. The man-thing slowly batted the bubbles around with tentacles as if they were balloons, making the babies laugh. Rose, James and Albus all had their hands on a giant axe, working together to lift the massive weapon and chop at the trunk of a large fir tree that was somehow growing out of their roof; the fairy lights, ornaments and other decorations that covered the tree shook and clattered with each hit of the axe.

Ginny was the first one to come to her senses, as she stood up, ignored the snow on her trousers and marched over to the man-thing. "Who the bloody hell are you and what are you doing with my children?"

"Mummy!" Albus' voice rang out as he dropped a hold of the axe handle and ran over to his mum, throwing his arms around her legs. "Mummy Larry Lupin lets us use the Axe of Whoa!"

"Part right, Al-boy. I'm Larry Luping but it's the Axe of Woe. Bit of a difference." Larry took a drag off of his cigarette, tossed it in the snow and smiled at Ginny. "Hold on a sec, Red." He extended a tentacle, wrapped it around the axe and returned it to its holster, elicited cries of disappointment from Rose and James. "What'd I tell you lot, you have to share, work together, and if you don't do that it goes away." He turned back to Ginny. "Don't worry, I blunted the end. Wouldn't slice bread."

Hermione plucked her son's bubble out of the air and held it in front of Larry. "What have you done to my son?"

"Kept him happy, that's what." Larry reached into his pocket, lit another cigarette, and without warning reached out the cigarette and popped Hugo's bubble, causing him to float as gentle as a feather into his mum's arms. "Faerie bubble. Keeps 'em as happy as if they were back inside good ol' mum."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, closed it, looked at Larry for a moment and then spoke in a clear, measured and calm voice. "Mr. Lupin, why are you, a Faerie, watching our children instead of our husbands?"

Larry laughed. "You really are the brains of your house, ain't cha? Not exactly Faerie, but Unseelie Court's full a' weird folks, so it's close enough. Listen, you want the long version or the short version?"

Hermione's 'long' and Ginny's 'short' came out simultaneously.

"Tell ya what, we'll meet in the middle." Larry floated Lily over to Ginny and popped her bubble. As Rose and James went to their mums he took another long drag off of his cigarette and exhaled smoke rings. Rose clapped her hands and as the smoke rings expanded she jumped in and out of them. "Ok, here's the medium version. I'm from a different dimension, but I'm a favor to Harry in case of great need."

"He never said anything to me about this." Ginny's irritation was evident from her tone. "And I think he would have said..."

"Listen, Red, this stuff comes to him in dreams. That's the thing about my mum's gifts, not really here or there in any real sense until it is. Just go with it. Anyway, when there was great need Harry would know what to do to summon me, and he did, so here I am." He fixed them both with a look. "You two are around the kids all the time, you know how to deal with them. But your men? They're Aurors, you two, they're not too bad but leaving them with all the kids at the same time? Ever done that before?"

Hermione looked over to Ginny. "You know, we've always had my mum or your mum or..."

"This is the first time, isn't it?" Ginny scrunched her nose up, held her sleeping daughter in her arms and looked to Larry. "I take it you're not a babysitter very often, then?"

"You ain't just whistlin' Dixie there, Red." Larry pulled out his axe and sat it down before them. "This little baby's taken out demons, lesser gods, a few gods, a lot of...babysitting, not really." He watched the anger start to seep into Hermione and Ginny's faces and smiled. "Listen, girlies, here's the deal. I read those morons you're married to the riot act, told 'em that you needed really good presents. Hell, I even implanted the thought of jewelry in their little pea brains before they took the Floo. Play your cards right and you can get a lot of mileage out of this." He fixed Hermione with a look. "You know I'm right, don't you?"

"Mummy!" Rose tugged on Hermione's trouser leg. "Larry said that we could tell 'im what we wants for Chrismas and he'd tell Father Chrismas."

"Oh. Yeah." Larry smiled and patted Rose on the head with a tentacle. "Nick and I go way back. Not a problem. Now you'd best get the kiddies downstairs because I'm heading back soon and it'll get colder than...it'll get cold. My magic'll wear off and...just get downstairs, eh?"

Hermione and Ginny held their babies, wondering at their children giving the large, wolfish man hugs and promising him that they'd be good. As they made their way down, back to the warmth of the living room, they tried to ask their older children what they told Larry to pass on to Father Christmas, but the kids didn't say a word, they only smiled.

-ooo-

Ron and Harry walked into the owner's box at Chudley stadium, Ron in orange almost from head to toe while Harry was more subdued, only wearing an orange supporters scarf. They spoke with the owner for a while, Harry enduring the 'boy who lived' stuff for Ron's sake, and eventually sat down, beers in hand.

Ron took a swig and shook his head. "Can't believe it. We're here, they loved the jewelry and not a word about Larry..."

"Stop!" Harry held up his hand. "Don't jinx it. Faerie magic's different, there's always a twist."

"What's the twist, then? Girls are happy, kids were happy, we didn't get caught and we're here on Boxing Day. Can't get any better'n this, mate." He laughed. "Come on, it's not like we took leprechaun gold or anything."

"Yeah." Harry shrugged. "I don't know."

"Let it go, match's ready to start."

Chudley, it seemed, was pulling a Christmas miracle as it jumped to a massive lead over the Kestrels. Ron was glued to the match, obviously, and even Harry was drawn in. They both ignored the waiters as they asked if they needed further refreshment, waving them off as the Seekers barreled down the pitch, weaving in and out of the other players, fruitlessly searching for the Snitch. Finally, though, two beers appeared in front of their faces. Two beers held by tentacles.

As Harry whipped his head around to look for Larry he noticed that everything stood still; the people in the owner's box were motionless, a glance out to the pitch showed players froze in mid-air. He turned back and there, standing in muddy, bloody leathers and with the Axe of Woe dripping smoking black blood, was Larry Lupin.

"Happy Christmas, idiots." Larry shoved the beers into Harry and Ron's hands, stepped over the back of the chair and sat down. "Surprised to see me?"

"Definitely." Harry took a long drink of beer. "I didn't call you."

"Nope." Larry flicked a glob of something that might have been flesh off of his trousers. "You didn't. Just wrapping things up. Wrapping, on Boxing Day. Hilarious."

"That's worse than one of George's." Ron waved off Harry's look of concern. "So what's the deal? You here to watch the Cannons? They're crushing Kenmare."

"Funny, ginger, real funny. Nope, just confirmed some Christmas presents. Your kids told me to pass things on to Father Christmas, you know."

"Uh, hate to break it to you, mate." Ron chuckled. "Father Christmas isn't real."

"Is that so?" Larry nodded. "Perhaps. But you know who is real? My mum. She loves kids. Loves to make 'em happy. Just thought I'd let you know that. Ask Rose and Albus what they wanted for Christmas when you get home, they'll tell you. Well, if your wives don't first. Oh, and for giggles why don't you..." he pointed at Ron "...ask your wife about my mum." He stood up. "Gotta go. Gotta use the axe, lots of things that need to be dead."

As suddenly as Larry appeared he was gone; everything whisked into motion, the players, the people in the owner's box, the waiters. Harry looked over to Ron and shrugged.

When they returned home later, after a shocking Kenmare comeback and win, Ron asked his wife if she knew who Larry's mum was and of course Hermione knew. Gaia was the mother of all, in certain mythologies, a fertility goddess in others, and in some realms she was known as the giver of life. That led Ginny to blurt out that she was pregnant. Hermione's confession of being in the same condition led everyone to ask Albus and Rose what they asked for Christmas.

Both wanted a new sister.

Off in one of the brighter corners of the Unseelie Court, Larry sat down his axe, looked up at the mistletoe and gave his wife Phoebe a kiss. Sometimes it was damned good to be Larry Lupin, especially at Christmas.


End file.
